


The Lookback

by sapphwriter



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: All of the art is used in this fic with permission!, Angst, Art by Marsallens - Freeform, Character Death, Drug Use, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mag and I share a single brain cell, Mental Illness, Past Adora/Catra (She-Ra), She was a Sk8r girl she said see ya l8r girl, So much angst, alcohol use, elderly grandparent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphwriter/pseuds/sapphwriter
Summary: After dropping out of college in her sophomore year, Adora Grey decides to get a low-stress summer job at the Fright Zone skate park while she gets back on her feet.Unfortunately for Adora, her estranged childhood friend has the same idea.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by my dear Mag's art ([@marsallens on Twitter](https://twitter.com/marsallens)). I reached out to her a few months ago to tell her how much I love her art, and she inspired me to write in the first place! So, of course, I'm doing a long-form fic for her. Definitely check her out! 🥰
> 
> A special thanks to my lovely beta Jess ([@feistypaaants on Twitter](https://twitter.com/feistypaaants) and [feistypants on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feistypants/works))!

[ **** ](https://twitter.com/marsallens)

**Adora**

Adora turned the key twice in her '64, bright orange Chevrolet pickup - once to kickstart the engine and a second for good luck. She slipped her red converse off and rubbed her hands in front of the shitty heater to warm them. It was June in Brightmoon, but the mornings still had a chill that ran right through her.

She stopped in her driveway for a moment, wondering if she was missing anything. Board? Check. The helmet that she won't use because she's reckless and stopped using it when she was fifteen? Check. Her wallet and keys were connected, so she definitely had those. Phone.....Phone? Shit.

Adora hopped out of the car, not bothering to put her shoes back on, and jogged to the pink house she shared with her Grandma. Razz usually slept on the couch, so Adora had to tiptoe through the living room to avoid waking her. Her grandmother had a bed, mind you, but often told Adora she chose to sleep on the couch so she could keep the broom nearby. You know, so Adora's 87-year old Grandma could whack an intruder on the head and defend their queendom. She gave her a light kiss on the forehead before snatching her phone from the side table.

Adora was pleased to feel that the heater had warmed up the cabin somewhat in the time it took her to run back into the house. She took out her phone, started her repeat playlist, and tossed it up on the dash. The speakers on the truck had died years ago, but Mara, Razz, and her hadn't had the cash to fix it. She had no desire to now.

Adora hummed along to the music, feeling herself lull into the muscle memory of years of driving to the Fright Zone. Adora had been there thousands of times as a kid, but this was her first time as an employee. Having a relatively easy summer job would Adora have some time to "figure things out," or so her therapist told her. After this year, she agreed that spending a summer around her friends would be good for her. Maybe it would give her some time and space to recover.

God, the number of times she'd snuck out to come here with -

* * *

"Come on, Adora! You're such a baby sometimes," Catra teased.

"AM _NOT_!" Adora yelled defensively, pieces of her blonde hair falling into her eyes as she ran after the shorter girl in front of her. "I'm eight. That's exactly seven years older than being a baby. It's just....getting so dark... "

Catra was giggling, messing with their shared, way-too-big helmet and getting it stuck in her long hair. She finally snapped it on and grabbed Adora's hand to quiet her.

"Come on, dummy. Weaver won't be mad if we get back before dark. Now focus, I'm trying to show you something," Catra said. She grabbed their board from their hiding spot - a hole in the mini-ramp, right at the very corner, just big enough for a skateboard to slip through.

"Okay - this one's called 'the lookback.' It's way harder than the usual stuff we've tried so far, so pay attention," Catra said, two different colored eyes narrowing in concentration.

As if Adora could ever look away. She sat on the concrete, eating some watermelon that they had stolen from the fridge earlier, and watched intently.

Catra stepped in the middle of the board and kicked off, setting her in motion towards the back bowl. When she got close enough to the rail to freak Adora out a little bit ( _she was always doing that_ ), she ended up moving in the opposite direction after a flurry of motion. From what Adora could see, she had used her heel to whip the board forward to a stop, then swished it back, effectively rotating her momentum in the opposite direction.

" _WOAH, CAT_!" Adora squealed, sprinting over to her. "Okay, my turn! Show me show me show me -"

When she reached Catra, she started immediately grabbing for the helmet.

“EEK! No, Adora - you're going to get my hair all sticky,” Catra yelped, but Adora just started getting grabbier. She tried to latch onto her shirt and the strap on her helmet, eager to begin learning and showing off.

Catra held her hand up, making it look like she would take off the helmet before she pulled the same trick and started skating off.

"Wait, no - _come back_!" Adora chased after her. She watched Catra do one more lookback, changing her direction and kicking the board right back to her.

"You're so silly. Of course, I'll show you. I always do," Catra said, taking off her helmet and rolling her eyes.

* * *

Adora snapped out of it as she parked, wincing as she realized her utter lack of attention on where or how she was driving. She'd been doing that a lot more, slipping down into her own thoughts, reliving memories. At least this one was safe.

She took a deep breath, trying to avoid thinking about the memories that were _not so safe_ before she cut her spiraling off with a yawn.

_God, fuck. Get it together, Adora. Really should have stopped for coffee._

"Adora!" She heard a yell from inside the park and saw vivid pink hair shining with the sunrise.

"Hey, Glim," Adora called back, waving and yawning again. She got her belongings out of her car, locked it twice for good measure, and headed through the fenced entrance to the park. Glimmer was holding something in a cup -

"Is that coffee?" Adora asked, and Glimmer nodded. "Oh sweet Jesus, I cannot tell you how much I love you right now," Adora said, gulping the hot beverage and practically moaning. The burned tongue was worth it.

"Don't make that noise around the kids. Or my boyfriend, for that matter," Glimmer teased. "Speaking of which..."

Bow stepped outside of his car in a cropped hoodie that showed off his abs. He and Adora had gone to the gym together most weekends over the winter and spring, so she'd seen the improvement in real-time. It was still impressive. She did a little construction-worker whistle, and Bow spun and did an exaggerated curtsy in return, holding a fake skirt and all.

"He's beauty, he's grace," Adora sighed wistfully.

"If you weren't a dumb fucking lesbian, I'd punch your lights out," Glimmer said flatly. Adora knew it was true.

"Pffft, I think your girl is gonna kill me if I keep pretending to hit on you," Adora said to Bow as he got closer, giving him a little fist bump.

"I think it's time you finally dated someone, so you had less time to joke around with _my_ boyfriend,” Glimmer grumbled half-heartedly. Adora snorted.

"Ha! Come on, grumpy, stop picking on Adora. Let's go meet the other suckers who decided to work here for the summer," Bow said to Glimmer, pulling his arm over her to keep her warm. Adora shoved her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and trailed behind them.

They made their way over to the small "office" that the park had. Everyone knew that it was really just a room with a shitty coffee maker, an employee restroom, and a wall for lockers. When they were kids, there were rumors about how people would make out in the office, and she and Catra would both talk about how yucky the idea of kissing someone was.

Adora surveyed the other summer employees, contracted workers that the park hired during the busy season, like herself, and a short-haired girl caught her eye.

Well, the back of her head did. She was wearing this bright red beanie, wisps of her brown hair coming out of the bottom. Adora wondered idly how someone could possibly be warm enough in just a t-shirt this morning, but maybe she just ran hot. There was something just...about her that was instantly attractive. Maybe it was the way she held herself.

_Well, shit. Maybe Glimmer was right about the whole dating thing -_

Adora's mind went blank when the short-haired girl turned around and met Adora with mismatched eyes. Adora opened her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Catra?"

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adora's truck reference can be [found here](https://www.hemmings.com/store/detail?product_id=2752)
> 
> I also have a general map of the skate park to reference throughout the fic below. Please excuse my shit handwriting lol  
> 
> 
> You can find Mag's rendering of [Catra and Adora here](https://twitter.com/marsallens/status/1330187192963112960/photo/1) on her Twitter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra was here. Of course, Catra was here - why wouldn't she be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting into some TW Territory here! Double check the TW in the end notes to make sure this chapter feels safe for you.

"Catra?"

Catra's face was a study of indifference. She looked over her shoulder, raised her eyebrows slightly in annoyance, and then continued talking to the muscular woman in front of her.

_Jesus, she's fucking ripped. Is that what she's into?_

_Okay, I'm just gonna shove that thought directly into the back of my brain, where I will never think about it ever again. Yep. Great._

Adora pointedly looked anywhere else, trying to find someone to talk to. Bow and Glimmer were AWOL, the people around Catra were non-starters...she would speak to _Kyle_ if he was her only option.

She spotted Perfuma standing by the coffee and bagels, and Adora's feet were instantly moving her in that direction, grateful for the escape. She was running low on weed, anyway - something about two birds and a stone.

"Hey Perfuma," Adora said, joining her near the table of random, stale-looking bagels that Adora wasn't quite sure had been purchased this morning. She spoke lowly so her boss wouldn't hear her. "Can I come to pick up after our shift?"

Perfuma gave her a warm smile and nodded. "I have a few other people stopping by later, but I'll save you some of my good stuff."

"Thanks," Adora said, a comfortable silence falling between the two of them. "How was your semester?"

"Phew, a lot happened! I decided that I'm gonna go to grad school to become a therapist. That, and I finally booked a consultation for my bottom surgery," she said, looking happier than Adora had ever seen her. Perfuma had been growing weed in her backyard to pay for her transition since they were in high school, so it made Adora happy to hear that she was moving forward with what she'd wanted the entire time Adora had known her.

"I'm happy to be a recurring donor to your weed GoFundMe," Adora teased, pulling a giggle from Perfuma's lips.

"Ha - you're just trying to get the good stuff."

"I mean....maybe," Adora bumped into her side playfully.

They stood together a little while longer, watching the other people in the office. Adora tried her hardest to not look at Catra, but it was near impossible. She'd never had great self-control when it came to Catra.

She looked...so good, it hurt.

"So, Adora...how are you doing?" Perfuma asked, pulling her away from her daydream.

Ah, and there it was. The first time out of many that Adora was going to have this conversation, the one she really didn't want to have. Especially not in the same room as her now estranged childhood friend, who had always had freakishly superhuman hearing abilities. She could have sworn she saw Catra's ear twitch at Perfuma's question. Either that or Adora was going insane.

A half-mumbled "hanging in there" was all she could offer because if she went any deeper into it, she'd start crying on her first day. Maybe she was just as fragile as people were treating her. "Let's talk about when I pick up, later, if that's okay."

Perfuma nodded, dropping the topic when the supervisor (Huntara, was it? She really should have read her welcome email this morning) called everyone to attention.

"Sit down, everyone."

Bow and Glimmer waved Adora over, reappearing, and she was grateful that they had gone for seats at the opposite side of the room as Catra. She needed physical distance. She was going to need something much more potent than coffee to get through today.

"With the changes the owner has made to Brightmoon Skate Park -"

 _Coughthefrightzonecough_ an unknown staffer called out from the back of the room.

"It's Brightmoon Skate Park, and you will call it that in front of the kids and other skaters, or I'll fire you," Huntara continued, giving the staffer a death glare. 

"Like I was saying, adding the small bowl for the kids is going to make the park busier than ever this summer. We're taking on new staff specifically to expand our program for kids. Skateboarding lessons will be taught on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays by Catra Weaver and Adora Grey -"

Adora felt her stomach tighten. She was going to be working...with Catra...one on one...three days a week for the rest of the summer? She saw Glimmer and Bow's heads whip her way in confusion, now aware of the other person in the room and who she was. Adora gave them a _be cool guys, cut it the fuck out_ look, and they thankfully got the hint.

_Fuck. Fucking Fuck._

Catra didn't look too pleased, either, when Adora could sneak a glance. Her steely disposition cracked, showing her annoyance with a furrowed brow. Lessons started the following Monday, and Adora was seriously considering quitting after this week to avoid that confrontation. She could find other things to do for the summer...

"- and Glimmer Moon will be leading roller skating lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Huntara finished.

That's why she couldn't do anything else for the summer. The whole reason why she was here was to be closer to her friends, to not completely hide and waste away in her home with Razz. Get back on track. Right.

"Glim," Adora whispered after a few minutes of Huntara rattling off other staffers' duties. "Perfuma's after work? I'll drive." Glimmer nodded once, sensing that she was feeling off and probably wanted to talk.

"Are you finished, Blondie?" Huntara said, making Adora startle. She heard a snort from...Catra?

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. Ma'am." Adora said sheepishly.

Huntara rolled her eyes and continued with the rules. Adora knew some of them from basically living here as a kid and overhearing staff members, but Huntara was new and maybe a little scary, so Adora shut up and paid attention.

"First rule - no fucking in this office," Glimmer nearly choked on her coffee, earning a side-eye from their supervisor. "I know you kids are gonna try it. Someone does every single year. I don't care what you do in your spare time, but you're not gonna do it on this property."

Ugh. Gross.

"Second rule - no drinking or drugs, and no showing up to work inebriated. Do it elsewhere. Do your job, try not to put anyone in the hospital, and I literally don't give a shit what happens other than that. Are we clear?"

A few reluctant grumbles of "yes," "sure," and "whatever" came from the staffers.

"Great. The park doesn't open for another half-hour, so feel free to skate before then."

Everyone clamored to grab their boards and skates like the gates opened in a horse race. Adora grabbed her skateboard - a blue-ish purple longboard, a present from her mom a few years ago, decorated with some stickers and tags from Glimmer.

She saw Catra grabbing her stuff, and Adora remembered suddenly that Catra was always good at drawing. She probably had a decked-out board -

Her board.

Their board.

The one that they had saved up their meager allowance for as kids, the one that they hid under the ramp to prevent Shadow Weaver from finding out and breaking it.

Catra saw her staring, eyes wide, and tried to hide the object of Adora's curiosity. The damage was done. Why had she kept their board? What the fuck does that mean?

Adora left the office as quickly as she possibly could, itching to get her body moving and stop thinking about the fact that Catra had held onto this piece of her childhood all along.

As soon as Adora, Bow, and Glimmer crowded in her truck, she let out an unholy groan that lasted a good fifteen seconds. She was a fucking mess, and it was only the first day.

"Okay, drama queen. Relax," Glimmer demanded.

"So Catra and I are working together," Adora said, faceplanted onto her steering wheel, trying to avoid hitting the horn. She was unsuccessful, and the noise made her yelp. She could feel the side-eye that her friends were giving each other. The car practically smelled like concern and exasperation.

"Want me to drive us to Perfuma's so you can talk?" Bow offered, and Adora nodded gratefully, climbing over each other to swap spaces. She probably couldn't focus on anything right now, and she needed to get high as soon as humanly possible. She'd be out of commission for the rest of the night.

"So this is _the_ Catra..." Glimmer started carefully.

"You mean the one I was separated from when Mara adopted me, and I've never been able to forgive myself for leaving behind? Yes. That Catra."

"Hoo boy, okay," Bow said. He started the truck - not twice, Adora noticed, but she wasn't going to be a backseat driver - and started backing up out of her parking spot. "Adora, we've been over this," Bow corrected her, kindly. "You know that you were a child, and that home was abusive."

She knew that Bow was right, but she'd still never been able to move past the guilt. She'd broken her promise, after all.

Maybe she should just agree with her friends to end the conversation.

"Don't just agree with us to get out of talking about this," Glimmer added, and Adora groaned again, hating that she was so predictable and that she couldn't hide her face in the steering wheel.

"I know. I know it wasn't my fault. I still feel like shit about it," Adora finally admitted. "I honestly don't know if I can talk about this anymore. Can we just go get high together?"

Bow and Glimmer rode to Perfuma's silently, deciding to let it go for now. Good.

Perfuma's place wasn't too far away from the park, no more than 15-20 minutes out by car. She lived in a small cottage-like house, similar to Adora's, painted green. She kept a greenhouse out back - her parents were hippies and somewhat nomadic, so she had the place to herself most of the time. Although absent, her parents were still loving and supportive. They called her every day to check-in, and they were definitely aware of her weed operation. Adora was pretty sure that Perfuma was their dealer, too.

The three of them walked through the front door of Perfuma's house, and Adora couldn't help but get nauseous. At least this time, she was able to keep her mouth shut.

Catra was here. _Of course, Catra was here_ \- why wouldn't she be? Adora was so stupid for not realizing that the person who was also coming to pick up could have been another staffer. Of course, she's here.

Bow placed a calming hand on her back, reminding her to walk and not stand in the middle of the room like an idiot. They made their way over to the couches and the table where Perfuma was weighing everything out.

"Nice shirt," Bow said to Catra, noting her "Protect Trans Kids" tie-dye. Perfuma smiled knowingly.

"Nice crop, arrow boy. Does that really say 'Gosh, I Love Arrows'?" Catra teased, but there was no bite to it.

"Hell yeah, it does. I have another one that says ‘Gosh, I Love Hormones,’ too," Bow replied in the same teasing tone, smirking as he saw Catra's gears turning.

Adora watched Catra's brow furrow as she carefully considered her next question. "Shit. Did I get your pronouns wrong?"

"Nah, you got them - he/him. Thanks for checking, though," he said sincerely, offering a fist bump that Catra reciprocated.

"Sweet," she said, smiling at him. Adora couldn't look at that smile anymore. She desperately needed another point of focus. She heard Perfuma talking to the buff girl next to Catra, sitting close and leaning in, casually touching each other's shoulders as they laughed.

"Hey," Adora started, feeling bad she had to interrupt them. "I don't think we actually met earlier. I'm Adora -"

The look on the woman’s face made it clear that she knew precisely who Adora was, and that scared her. Her past was already creeping up on her in a horrid way that she wasn't prepared for today. She certainly didn't want to deal with some of the other staff hating her.

But Scorpia's face softened to something more genuine as she saw Adora stiffen. "Hey, Adora - I’m Scorpia. It's great to finally meet you," she said.

_Finally? What does that mean?_

Adora sat with this statement for a moment while Bow and Glimmer introduced themselves, and Perfuma offered Scorpia a joint.

"Oh, jeez, thanks, but I don't really smoke. I appreciate the offer, though!" Scorpia said. She was a little awkward but kind. Perfuma put a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that it was okay, promising her tea later instead. They'd be cute together.

Perfuma offered Adora the joint instead, which she gratefully accepted, lighting it, happy that she didn't have to be sober anymore. All she had to do was buy weed, not be weird, and get out as soon as humanly possible. She could do this.

"Hey, Adora," she heard Catra say, putting a hand out to ask for a hit, and she felt her heart shatter all over again.

* * *

"Hey, Adora?"

She could hear Catra calling out to her through the sound of her own crying. She thought briefly about running away from her - Adora was in so much trouble, and she didn't want to drag Catra into it. The less she knew, the better, so Weaver couldn't find a way to punish her, too.

"Where are you?" Catra said, genuinely worried.

"I'm - sniff - behind the vert ramp -" she called out in response.

Adora had taken a tumble and hurt her wrist on her right hand. The one possible injury that would prevent her from doing her schoolwork, the only one that would earn punishment. The last time something even close to this happened, she'd been locked in her room for 24 hours, only allowed to leave three times to use the restroom and be handed food. Something about "needing to stay focused."

This injury, if severe, would cost her. Adora would be behind on her schoolwork since it will take twice as long to do everything. She'd just started her PSAT prep work - the test was a few years away, but Ms. Weaver was right. She could never be too prepared. After all, Ms. Weaver said that her grades were critical to keeping the school and home open. It meant keeping her and Catra together. She couldn't fail. She'd put them at risk with her stupidity -

Tears wet her cheeks again at the idea that she'd lose Catra, that she'd be responsible for them losing their home, as awful as it was.

Catra found her sitting on the stairs.

"What happened?"

"I-uh, think I might have broken my wrist? Or sprained it. I don't know, I just landed on it wrong," Adora said, trying to roll her wrist and gasping in pain

"Well, don't do that, dummy," Catra said, trying to keep things light, but her face was concerned. She knew that they needed to tread lightly if they were going to get away with this.

"Let me see it," Catra said, and Adora immediately put out her wrist for inspection. She moved it a little back and forth to see if anything looked wrong.

"Does it hurt when I touch it?"

"N-no, just when you move it," Adora replied, wincing as Catra tested that statement. "Ouch, okay, yeah, that hurts a lot."

Catra thought for a moment. "I think it's just sprained, but if we want to go to a doctor, we can lie and say it's Carpal tunnel. So Weaver doesn't expect anything."

That was…actually a great solution.

"There's no way she could get mad at me if the injury was due to doing too much work," Adora said, feeling her anxiety subside a bit.

"Exactly," Catra said, clearly happy that Adora was feeling better, placing a kiss on the inside of her wrist. "You're safe. We're safe. Now, come on, you big baby."

"I'm not a baby. I'm thirteen. That's exactly - OW, twelve years older than a baby," Adora said.

"Hah! When are you gonna stop saying that, Adora?"

* * *

"Adora?" Catra said, still holding her hand out. How long had she just been sitting there?

Long enough for the joint to go out. Shit.

Catra took it from her hand and re-lit it, giving her a confused...concerned?...look that Adora pointedly turned away from. It was too similar to the one in the memory she'd just slipped into. She was starting to feel a bit woozy from the weed, but not in the way she wanted. It made her insides churn.

"Adora…are you okay?" She heard Perfuma say.

Everyone was still staring at her. She needed to get out.

"Uh, yeah," Adora stammered. "I kinda need to get home to Razz soon. Is it okay if I buy and dip? I promise I'll stay longer next time."

Perfuma nodded, her brow furrowing in concern.

_Please, stop that, not now. Not when Catra can see._

"Sure. How much do you want?" Perfuma replied warmly.

They exchanged goods, and Adora sent money via a weird cash app that didn't look suspicious to Perfuma's bank. She said quick goodbyes, heading out to the truck before she cried in front of people who weren't Bow and Glimmer.

Bow drove them back to Razz's, Adora staring out the window, slipping deep into that state that her therapist warned her to avoid, the one that numbed her out.

But she didn't need to be present for this, right? Her friends were driving her. She knew that they were concerned, but they didn't ask her about it, offering to grab dinner on the way home. They were trying to make sure she would eat. She'd always had a hard time asking for help, but she never had to with Bow and Glimmer. She was lucky to have them.

She'd said the same thing about Catra at one point, though, hadn't she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug use, mental illness, referenced child abuse. (It’ll get better from here, I promise).
> 
> I haven’t forgotten about “Hey, Bartender,” I promise! I need to think about how I want to end that story in a way that seems true to the characters. Right now, all of the endings feel a little forced, so trust me when I say I’m working on it!


End file.
